24 Aug

I have always dreamed of having three children.  It seemed like the perfect number for me…two seemed too few and four possibly too many {and would make family outings in a “normal” car impossible}.  Even after two damaging deliveries {my obstetrician even  laughed when I said I would consider having more children} the number three was still stuck in my head.

A few months into my son’s life I decided {along with my husband, of course} that two children would probably be it.  It wasn’t necessarily the lack of sleep or the chaos in my home that caused my change of heart, but my overall care and concern for the two that I already had.  My heart was heavy…I couldn’t provide my son with the attention my daughter had as a newborn because I was splitting my time between two, and the quality time that I had always spent with my daughter on a daily basis had dwindled.  Mothers’ guilt had me…and I couldn’t imagine how guilty I would feel if I were to divide myself among even more children.

Last week I accepted the challenge of caring for three little ones for the week {my two, plus a one-year old}.  Surprisingly, I found that I was very comfortable with three.  I enjoyed the kids even more than usual because I was committed to playing with and caring for them…and NOTHING ELSE {a lesson learned and one that I greatly value}.  I deep cleaned the house and grocery shopped the prior week in preparation.  I attempted no housekeeping, only minor cooking {we have to eat, right??}, and no blogging {or really any personal time at all, for that matter}. We managed to get out for daily outings for the sanity of my 3-year-old and myself, and it went smoothly…even more smoothly than the afternoons that we stayed home to play.  Maybe what I had heard all along was true…two is the most difficult transition, but after two, the more the merrier.

All week I couldn’t stop thinking about me and the number three.  I know that I would never regret having another child, but would I regret choosing not to??  By Friday afternoon I thought I had my answer…I had three grumpy children and two crying and fighting for a place on my lap that they did not want to share.  Although I could meet the physical needs of three children, would I be able to meet their emotional needs as well??

There will always be room in my heart for more children {the heart doesn’t divide into pieces with each additional child,  it multiplies in size}, but I will never grow another pair of arms nor will there be more hours in the day to spend with each child.

So, my decision is…no decision.  What is meant to be will happen.  But, for now…my two are enough.  They fulfill me…my every day, my every thought.


4 Responses to “Three”

  1. Bethany August 24, 2010 at 9:25 am #

    Ok, I never wanted 3…My family had 4, but because my oldest sister was 9 years older, then came me, my sister, and my brother….it was like 3 – and I knew that 3 was an odd number, and it seemed someone was always left out…so I knew that if I had 3 I would have to have 4…and 4 kids was just WAY too much for this mama! Even though, I still have baby fever….because my baby just turned 8! But I decided I had my girl and my boy, and with the expense of two children, cars, and college….2 was probably better for my wallet! It was when Cayden was 10 months old that I decided to get my tubes tied…because I knew if I didn’t I would have 10 kids by now….haha!

    • rn2mommy August 24, 2010 at 8:00 pm #

      I have heard others comment similarly on uneven vs. even numbers of children. I actually would have considered 4 at one time too…crazy, I know. I can’t believe you already have your tubes tied…you mean business!! That seems so final…so permanent!! I don’t know that I could do it…but my husband has offered to get “fixed” when the time is right, so I’ll let him 🙂

  2. Mandi August 26, 2010 at 10:05 am #

    Annie, you are a wonderful mom and would be to any number of children! I am jealous that your husband offered to be the one to go under the knife. We are still trying to settle on something permanent, as we know our third was our final. I always wanted four. Husband always wanted two, so this was our happy compromise. I am the youngest of three and always wished for a baby sibling. It can be chaotic at times, but it works!

    • rn2mommy August 26, 2010 at 6:05 pm #

      Thanks, Mandi! I am very thankful my husband has been so kind to offer “to go under the knife.” Who knows when I’ll be ready though. Even though the procedure is possibly reversible for men, it’s a tough decision to make.

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